Ladies and Gentlemen, this Flipping Out reunion recap is brought to you by my dearest and most talented friend in the prostitution business, Gayhooker (aka gayhooker.  I like to capitalize it because I think it lends him the prestige he so richly deserves).  Enjoy his insightful words and give yourself permission to snort, especially when you hover over/click on his links.  Then, please join me for a vigorous discussion in the comments.   Thank you, Gayhooker!

Before we begin, let’s discuss Andy for a sec; anyone else have the urge to grab a towel and wipe the Vaseline off his teeth?  Now that we’ve discovered his secret to a great smile, let’s have at the Flipping Out Season 3 Reunion.

1.  Andy begins the Season 3 Reunion by asking Jeff a) if he’s considered taking Lithium (which apparently this season RHOC’s Chatty Cathy LC has quit, perhaps due to surgical side-effects) and b) what cocktail of medication he’s currently using.  Unfortunately for Canadian Pharmacies he answered a) no and b) none.  Looks like I’m selling my stock tomorrow.

2.  Next, Andy asks Jeff whether or not he’s single, which he confesses to having a relationship with his business manager a special someone for a little less than a year.  Something tells me they’ll be celebrating their anniversary sometime on or before the 18^th of January.  Can anyone guess which one of the two wears the other’s pearl necklace?

“Jenni, do you think it’s too early in my relationship to declare my love on the back of the Mercedes?”

4.  Zoila appears in uniform.  (Was I the only surprised to see that Ryan Seacrest wasn’t the shortest person alive?) Andy gets right to the point and asks Jeff exactly why Zoila needs to wear a uniform, in which he replies with, “I want her to match the décor in addition to appearing more professional.”  Andy is very eager to hear what happens once the closed sign goes up at night in Chez Lewis.  My thought is if he really wanted to know, why doesn’t he just write that into the contract?  Anyway, Zoila tells all; they drink martini’s, play Monopoly (how fitting), and occasionally mix things up with a game of Twister.  Zoila explains the bacon incident, shedding light on her motives, and how her husband mysteriously disappeared into the Nicaraguan jungles.  Finally, she wants everyone to know that Roomba is a “big bitch.”

5.  Ugly or pretty: who’d you rather?  Jeff points out that given the current economic state and unprecedented budget cuts felt throughout the state of California, having both ugly and pretty applicants to choose from make the hiring decision easier as he’d chose the latter of the two.  He is, however, clear to point out that in an effort at avoid discriminatory practices, he’d consider both unfortunate looking and overweight employees.

6.  Jeff apologizes to Jenni for the continuous “low blows” throughout the season regarding Chris Elwood until he claims he’s reached the moratorium of apologies.

7.  Andy and Jenni parallel Trace and Jeff; how different they are including style, talent, youth, and inner love.

8.  Links, Google, and suspicion; Jeff and Ryan talk for the first time in nearly four months.  Their reunion started off quite cordial awkward, with Jeff demanding an apology right off the bat.

 “I wasn’t the one who exhibited suspicious behavior, I wasn’t the one who slithered around, I wasn’t the one who set-up googling links in my partner’s name, I wasn’t the one to set-up a deceptive website” (which by the way is “temporarily closed;” I wonder why?).

 Anyone want to take a stab at how many thieved recruited clients it takes to purchase a website on the secondary market?

Ryan, who’d rather not declare a draw per Andy’s request and instead declaring a “Mexican Standoff” between the two, told us there are times he wants to pick up the phone and have Jeff over for dinner; “I get mad, upset, then get over it, wanting to call Jeff, but then Dale gets upset, my parents get upset, and I end up having to explain to my 90 year-old grandmother why I just can’t apologize to Jeff for no wrong doing.”

Ryan tells Jeff that “once we get out from under the microscope, we may be able to repair this.”

“I made you rich motherfucker!”

Jeff (veins poppin’ lips bustin’) sees things a little differently; “I don’t see us moving past this until you apologize.  Aside from the show and the cameras, I don’t let people in my life; I don’t trust that easily.”  We probably won’t speak again after this; I’ve been generous with you and your family; you broke my heart; I know you did this; I know when you’re lying.  I’m sick of this manipulative bullshit; this is the reason people are contacting you with hate mail; they don’t believe you either.”

Jeff Lewis is like a kiss from God.  Thank you, Bravo.

I’ll admit that while I may stand alone in my thoughts and may place myself at severe risk of getting UnFacebooked by Ryan, I feel it necessary to point-out his devilish smile and jolting stabs (now everyone can see the “true Jeff Lewis” bullshit).  Anyone else feel the same way or do I stand alone?  It’s not the Ryan (“with the bad haircut”) that I know from Seasons 1 and 2.  Regardless, while Ryan may not have actually received that much business from his mischievous efforts, I agree with Jeff, it was definitely “professional identity theft and false advertising” suspicious.

9.  Finally, three clips we hadn’t seen until the Reunion include:

1. Jeff and Jenni take Chloe pet shopping.  On the way back to Ryan’s, Jeff asks Chloe if she like her new fish and Chloe responds with, “you gotta put a ring on it.”  Her response weighs heavily against the others; “girls gone wild, hooters, chardonnay, and big bitch.”
2. After painstaking searching for an exhausting 10 months, Jeff finally discovers where Jenni lives.
3. Another lunchtime debate sponsored by El Pollo Loco: to either replace or insure Zoila.