SEARCH THIS SITE
SHOP

This form does not yet contain any fields.
    Powered by Squarespace
    Wednesday
    Mar232011

    The Moral Obligations of Facebook (aka the deepest post you will ever read on this blog)

    Has anyone experienced the vaguely suicidal status update on facebook?  I recently saw one very late at night and to be honest, it wasn't all that vague.  I would repeat it here, but it's kind of specific and I don't want to add to her problems by telling everyone that I think she's a nutjob.  And I only say she's a nutjob because the next day, she followed up said update with "LOL!  Sorry if I scared anyone, just had to vent."

    REALLY? 

    I haven't seen or spoken to this person in 20 years, and even then, we were casual acquaintances at best.  I had no idea whether she was kidding, drunk, completely serious or some sort of combination.  I don't even know where she lives.  But I swear, that night, Kitty Genovese and this story were running around in my head.  I had no idea what to do.

    I know two people who have witnessed this sort of post.  Have you and if so, what did you do?  If not, then what would you do, and what factors would play into your decision?

    Yes, I know you want to discuss RHOC and Tamra's possible nomination for an AVN award (category:  Best 42 year old Drunken Bathtub Sex), so go ahead and do that too. 

     

    Monday
    Mar142011

    Fight On

    No Real Housewives of Orange County recap this week.  I'm in straight Vicki Gunvalson mode--working. But you are in luck.  One of my all-time favorite commenters, marriedtoachimp, has started a blog, Brass Tacks and Silver Charms.  !!!!!  Head on over there to check it out, and you will be rewarded with some RHOC/Motley Crue commentary (the best kind). 

    Two of my other favorite blogs that might be flying under your radar right now:  Just Say Maux and Merci Blah Blah.

    In closing, I would like to dedicate this post to the brave, skinny little straps on Vicki's top. 

    Is there any doubt that they are going to lose that tug of war?  No.  They were never meant to hold that kind of load.  But they are trying hard, hanging on until the last thread pops.

    Tuesday
    Mar082011

    "You down with G-O-D? Yeah you know me..."

    Someone has written this song, right?  If not, I will.  And then I will perform it with perhaps a little autotune.   

    As my friend Leslie said to me today, Real Housewives of Orange County is classic television.  It is the original, the trailblazer, the show that led to all of the Housewife mutations and many, many bonuses for the whiskey-sipping Andy Cohen.  Vicki is the one constant on this show--the cockroach, if you will--the one who survives every single season and comes back for more.  In a one-shouldered shirt at work, no less. 

     

    My feelings for Vicki are complicated, but I can tell you that I love to watch her.  I even felt a little bit protective of her when Donn called her a dumbfuck (which really disappointed me, by the way.  You're better than that, Donn Gunvalson). 

    I will not be recapping this episode but I do want to hear your opinions.  Did you feel a strange shift of allegiances while watching?  I went from disliking Alexis to kind of admiring her--not only for disciplining her kids on camera, but for standing up to Gretchen, who was being a total drunk a-hole to everyone.  Even calling God "the G-O-D," Alexis showed a glimmer of humor that was heretofore non-existent.  Also she looked really pretty in that maxi-dress.

    I've always been on Gretchen's side in her war against Tamra, but she was super mean and nasty at the shopping party.  I just kept wondering, why are you even there, Gretchen?  If you hate her and you can't forget, WHY ARE YOU EVEN AT TAMRA'S (BOYFRIEND'S) HOUSE?  But then I remembered that this was a tv show.  Then I cried for a little bit during commercials. 

    "Hey topless bartender?  Yeah, I'm going home to Slade so I'm gonna need like, 5 more drinks." 

    Tamra claims she is SO HAPPY!  SO FREE!  when she clearly is not.  Am I right? 

    I would also like to hear your thoughts on Bethenny Ever After (I am ashamed by how much I love that show) and Real Housewives of Miami (I washed my hands of it when Cristy asked Adriana, "does he make your bed rock?").

    And now I must take my leave.  My good friend, interior designer and massage therapist Harvey Millstein, sent me a telegram this morning informing me that he has been contacted by a Mr. Fong Chong.  Mr. Chong apparently emailed Harvey because he needs help in "distributing an amount of 10.6,Million(usd)."  As Harvey wrote, "Mr Chong assures me that any anal hiding should last no more than a week to 10 days STOP"  I need to help him craft his response so he doesn't fuck this up.

     

    You're now down with a discount!  Whatever that means.

    (click through to the blog if you can't see the video)

    Friday
    Mar042011

    Don't Hate

    From:  Peter Lee

    To: [SGM]

    Date:  Sat, Feb 26, 2011 at 6:03 AM

    Subject:  KINDLY ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS EMAIL


    Compliments,

    It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you.I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.


    I am Mr.Peter Lee,a staff of Hang Seng Bank Ltd.I have an obscured business suggestion for you.I will need you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country. It involves the transfer of a large sum of money.


    Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without hitch. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.


    Once the funds have been successfully transferred into your account,we shall share in the ratio to be agreed by both of us.I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below (
    petrllee@aol.com) and finally after that I shall furnish you with more informations about this operation.

    Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me because I am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained.


    Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.


    Kind Regards,

    Mr.Peter Lee.

     

     

    Compliments to you too, Peter!

    I apologize for getting back to you so late.  On the day you emailed me, I was involved in a minor altercation in the parking lot of Vitamin Cottage and ended up breaking my pelvis.  Then I had a court appearance...blah blah blah.  I won't bore you with the details.  Anyway, I hope you have not already found someone who will assist you in this matter because I am definitely interested.

    Your email was indeed "obscured" as to my exact duties, which I fully understand.  You can't trust anyone these days.  I am, however, glad to hear it's legal--without a hitch, even.  Whew!  It sounds like a fantastic opportunity.  My only question is in regard to the actual transfer of the money.  I want you to know up front that I will not carry anything anally.  I once had an experience with that while on vacation in Nicaragua and ended up not only undergoing emergency surgery but also getting pregnant in the process.  Not an experience I'd like to repeat any time soon.  LOL!

    I understand your concern about me hunting you down.  It's true I have a history of that, but it's something I'm really working on in therapy.  Also, my husband put our crossbows in storage and I have no idea where that fucker hid the key--believe me, I've looked.  So there is really no need to be worried (but don't tell that to my neighbor.  I know she stole that Lady Antebellum cd from my car and that will NOT go unpunished).

    I have to admit that I was a little suspicious when you said that you were putting your career and family at stake with this venture.  But all of that was wiped away when I read "nothing ventured, nothing gained."  I couldn't agree more.  I appreciate your concern about my apprehension, but I have absolutely none.  I have complete confidence in you.  Let's DO THIS, Peter.  Please instruct me as to our next step. 

    Sincerely,

    Emily

    Friday
    Feb112011

    Now this is more like it 

    From Jezebel:  Taylor Armstrong is Possibly a Serious Con Artist

    They picked up on this whole name discrepancy, plus report a lot of other juicy info--such as the fact that Russell is a convicted felon.  Hmmm.  I don't see him as faring very well in prison.  Anyway, interesting, isn't it?  Go read it and report back.