Stop calling him Maurice, you bitch
Tuesday, January 10, 2012 
Yeah I'm talkin' to you, Kim. Who do you think you're fooling? "Maurice" is a man with a discolored tooth and smeary glasses who lives in a basement apartment with dry cat food sprinkled on the linoleum, crunching under his feet as he warms up canned beef stew. It is also the name of a cheap juniors store located in dying malls everywhere.
"Maurice" is worlds away from your brother-in-law Mauricio, a sexy Mexican love machine with a warm honey accent who simply doesn't want his sister-in-law to LIE TO HIS FACE ON HIS BIRTHDAY. Is that too much to ask? IS IT?
I'm going vegan this week, as well as sugar-free and gluten-free. I also started my period yesterday. This means I swing violently between two moods: obnoxious/self-righteous and murderous. I'm telling you this 1) as a subtle threat to Kim Richards, and 2) as a way of informing you that I really have nothing meaningful or positive to say about anything, including It's a Brad Brad World. So please discuss these dumb stupid shows in the comments and also let me know if you want any further descriptions of Maurice.
I love you all, and that is The Truth.
Oh, and you know those commercials you have to sit through before you can watch a video clip on Bravo? I think I just saw Chris Elwood, of fired Flipping Out fame, in one of them.
Muy interesante, huh?
Reader Comments (14)
Very accurate depiction of Maurice vs. Mauricio. He really is hot, isn't he? I have no idea how he can take that whining, controlling L'enfant terrible he is married to. Kim is irritating certainly, but Kyle really needs the spotlight so badly, it does make you wonder what is going on in their bedroom. I mean really, it is beginning to look mighty suspect. I just can't put my finger on it, but they are giving out a strange vibe. Gay/Prude, Bi/Prude, Hot steamy hetero with babe on the side/GayPrude? Any guessers?
Kim and her beefsteak just crack me up - they are the spice this other bunch of lunatics need. They are the most normal of any of them. Are you kidding me? Look at how the doctor's wife treats her husband and the English woman treats hers horribly also. Mauricio is the only one who hasn't been completely feminized (yet).
Even after I see Kyle climb over that wall to rouse Kim--such a stunt move!--I still like her. What is wrong with me? I just see that glossy swingy hair and it hypnotizes me. Who cares if Kim misses the boat? Who cares if she's 36 hours late to a bday party? Not me. I'm fine watching her lie her ass off and blather incoherently to Shrek. Or Ken? Is his name Ken?
Holy shit! Mauricio....I'm in live with you. You are absolutely what I'm looking for in a man. Tall, dark, incrediably handsome, has a job, stands up for your wife....and well hopefully not gay. Because that seriously would be a waste of an amazing body. Not to mention seriously piss my shit off!!! Kim and ken are two freakin substances abused people who need rehab almost as bad as Amy winehouse. Not to sound shallow, and I realize beauty is totally in the eye of the beholder, but damn that Ken had to have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every single Fucking branch on the way down, THEN tried to climb it again, only to fall and hit every branch again on the way down.
Lisa....sorry but I love her. She doesn't beat around the bush...and well obviously she doesn't let Ken either. But yet, I find I like her....and her ken too. Gigi....well....there's no freakin way I'd carry a two pound rat around dressed to the nines, but hey...that's me.
Maloffs....he's a pussy. Sorry, but he is. He's a plastic surgeon who gives women breasts and facelifts, I think its time he hives himself some balls. Or atleast borrow some from his wife.
Brandi....with a y or i...who knows. Can't stand her. But I think that has more to do with her skinny little perfectly perjury body more then anything.
Camille....kind of like her this season. Last season not so much, but I forgive her cuz she was going through a rough time with her lying cheating rat bastard whore husband.
Yes, I know you didn't ask for my opinion on any of them, but....I gave it to you anyways.
Oh...and as for Kyle....she's still my favorite. Between the gorgeous hair and sexy hubby, what's not to like.
Am I the only one who thinks Kyle is a controlling, annoying pain in the arse? Quick. Someone get Kyle's favorite banana clip. She's crying again.
http://bitchinsisters.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/an-ode-to-running/
kc - you should have been on the trip to Hawaii.
Bitchin Sisters, I think KC and I are the only ones who don't hate Kyle, but I will agree with you about those clips she imported from 1994. It makes me feel superior (albeit in the most tiny insignificant way).
WHOA. So random. I just bought my husband the most amazingly soft hoodie at Maurice! Love that store.
XO,
Kristen
I tried to watch Brad's new show but had to turn it off after 15 minutes. Boring. Boring. Boring.
Kristen, did you eat at Sbarro after? YUM!
Debbie, I always think I hate it but then I watch it and end up yearning for more.
When Kyle cries/shouts she gets scary vein face. As far as her sister, Drunkie McWasted a Lifestyle Lift is in order.
Drunkie McWasted may be too far gone. And Kyle, oh Kyle. To me, the most disturbing thing about her is that she willingly shared Kim's lip gloss. Who knows where Kim's lips have been! I can't even.
So did anyone watch the House Wives of OC? I think I will watch this season. I gave up watching the Bev Hills one, too much for me. Gosh, when I heard Russell died I jwas little icked out watching the drama unfold.
I stuck with BH but felt icky. I must confess, OC is my fave. I am so sick of them at the end of every season, but when a new one begins, I am at the front of the line to watch.
is that the morally corrupt Faye Resnick at the Grammy Awards?
Hmmm, I haven't seen her but that doesn't mean she's not there. I'm impressed if she is.