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    Don't Hate

    From:  Peter Lee

    To: [SGM]

    Date:  Sat, Feb 26, 2011 at 6:03 AM



    It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you.I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.

    I am Mr.Peter Lee,a staff of Hang Seng Bank Ltd.I have an obscured business suggestion for you.I will need you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country. It involves the transfer of a large sum of money.

    Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without hitch. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.

    Once the funds have been successfully transferred into your account,we shall share in the ratio to be agreed by both of us.I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below ( and finally after that I shall furnish you with more informations about this operation.

    Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me because I am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained.

    Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

    Kind Regards,

    Mr.Peter Lee.



    Compliments to you too, Peter!

    I apologize for getting back to you so late.  On the day you emailed me, I was involved in a minor altercation in the parking lot of Vitamin Cottage and ended up breaking my pelvis.  Then I had a court appearance...blah blah blah.  I won't bore you with the details.  Anyway, I hope you have not already found someone who will assist you in this matter because I am definitely interested.

    Your email was indeed "obscured" as to my exact duties, which I fully understand.  You can't trust anyone these days.  I am, however, glad to hear it's legal--without a hitch, even.  Whew!  It sounds like a fantastic opportunity.  My only question is in regard to the actual transfer of the money.  I want you to know up front that I will not carry anything anally.  I once had an experience with that while on vacation in Nicaragua and ended up not only undergoing emergency surgery but also getting pregnant in the process.  Not an experience I'd like to repeat any time soon.  LOL!

    I understand your concern about me hunting you down.  It's true I have a history of that, but it's something I'm really working on in therapy.  Also, my husband put our crossbows in storage and I have no idea where that fucker hid the key--believe me, I've looked.  So there is really no need to be worried (but don't tell that to my neighbor.  I know she stole that Lady Antebellum cd from my car and that will NOT go unpunished).

    I have to admit that I was a little suspicious when you said that you were putting your career and family at stake with this venture.  But all of that was wiped away when I read "nothing ventured, nothing gained."  I couldn't agree more.  I appreciate your concern about my apprehension, but I have absolutely none.  I have complete confidence in you.  Let's DO THIS, Peter.  Please instruct me as to our next step. 



    Reader Comments (22)

    "I will not carry anything anally" ... hahahahahahaha

    March 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersusanjay

    You just made my week! Let's DO THIS!!!

    March 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

    Could this be Binta trying to buy back your love?

    March 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Edie

    Agreed with Susanjay - CLASSIC FUCKING LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!! Dude, you really are fucking hysterical sometimes. Thank you~

    The butt thing is a total a dealbreaker. Maybe.

    I hope this is not Binta posing as an Asian banker. I do not need to be dragged into heartbreak again.

    March 4, 2011 | Registered CommenterSGM

    OMG, I laughed so hard I cried. So glad to have you posting again.

    March 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuhvis Kukk

    Pure genius.

    A million times, thank you.

    March 5, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermarriedtoachimp

    knocking it out into the fucking universe.

    but is your name really Emily?? I have been curious about you! Great post.

    March 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

    Good use of the LOL.

    March 5, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthe maestro

    Dear SGM,

    Regarding anal transport. I once brought in a pair of wrought-iron candle holders from Portugal this way. Saved a bundle on Customs.

    Harvey Millstein, CID

    Laughed so hard I passed gas! Must be the anal-referencing.

    March 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHooks


    March 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranita

    Hilarious...tears we're shed.

    March 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkate

    Thanks everyone. After this deal is finalized, I plan to take every single one of you on an all-expenses trip to Hong Kong!

    March 6, 2011 | Registered CommenterSGM

    you are back! i am so happy! things are looking up...

    March 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlizzie

    Have you all seen the new RHONY trailer? Oh how i miss Ramoner... she could be prego? Ya you heard me....

    March 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCreepy Cook

    Maestro beat me to it, but your "LOL!" really cracked me up.

    March 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBlisterina

    I suppose Peter wanted to try that old trick. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

    March 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaz

    LMFAO!!!!!! OMG why did you EVER go on hiatus from this place, SGM?!?!??!?!?!

    March 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Lil Bee

    Beyond hysterical. More please.

    April 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra

    I know I'm coming late to the party, but this post if hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh!
    You had me at Vitamin Cottage. ; )

    June 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten

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