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    Calling all investors, collectors and aspiring gold diggers!

    Kim Zolciak has given you the opportunity of a lifetime--she's opened her own ebay store.   As a Real Housewives of Atlanta expert, I can tell you that there are some real bargains just waiting to take a chunk out of your 401(k).  The following is my exclusive analysis on two of the items up for auction.

    1.  The buy-it-now price for this iconic dress (size not specified):

    Only $4500!  Before bidding, I recommend asking the seller whether the gown comes with any cigarette burns.  If the answer is yes, BUY BUY BUY.  It is details like this that will help authenticate the gown when the Smithsonian comes calling (and I happen to know that it is quietly collecting memorabilia for its Trashy Reality TV exhibition).

    2.  Every girl needs a pay-for-play dress, and this stunner will run you $3000. 

    As a woman who is au courant in the area of slutty fashion, Kim knows that sometimes you need to spend the big bucks to look like a cheap street whore.  However, despite its obvious beauty, I do have reservations about this dress.  Although the seller does not mention it, my keen eye tells me that it reeks of desperation and Forever Mariah Carey, both of which are difficult scents to remove.  Buyer beware!

    You can find more in her ebay store, Kim Z Couture Closet.  As of right now, there are no singed wigs or previously used bikini bottoms for sale, but I wouldn't be surprised if they start showing up in the next few days as the bidding on the gowns heats up.  Kim's clothes and accessories are true investment pieces; if your financial advisor tells you any differently, he's just a hater.  You and I both know that one could never regret emptying his or her bank account to own an item worn by the woman who inspired the words "CLOSE YA LEGS TO MARRIED MEN!" and almost got her ass beat by Sheree.  Don't let your "better judgment" hold you back--buy now before someone else snaps up your future.  Good luck!

    Reader Comments (24)

    The thought of Kim going pantyless in those "couture" dresses and then me putting one on and wearing it??? She would need to pay me $4500!! Ugh!

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

    While I am not saying that $4500 for the second dress is a rip off, I will go out on a limb and say that it is decidedly less fabric, so it should not cost the same as the first dress. Clearly the only solution to this problem is the increase the price of the first dress to $6500. To be fair to collectors.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersarah

    Anon, ugh. I know. She should have never mentioned the pantiless situation (although it might be more valuable to collectors in this state. Like the Monica Lewinsky dress).

    Sarah, you are so astute--it was a typo on my part. That dress is only $3000. Really, it's a steal.

    January 26, 2010 | Registered CommenterSGM

    Do they come with beach balls to fill them out?

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKOC

    I would rather own those dresses than She By Sheree. Don't tell her though as I am afraid she may check me boo.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranon

    I'm holding out for her Little House on the Prairie dress.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrudie

    So I click on her store link and see in the thumbnails that the bottom one might be, as the OC gals would say, "klassy." Well, yeah, it's Cameron Diaz in a Christian Dior gown! Maybe Bib Poppa told her buying THAT dress would be a good investment and now she's trying to flip it for a quick profit!

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoveHateOrangeCounty

    oops - meant "Big Poppa" (or is is Papa?) - typo. But isn't he like 100 or something? He just may wear a bib.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoveHateOrangeCounty

    Wow. Obviously these dresses would be total investment pieces. To hell with my 401K, I'm investing my money in the skank dresses of questionable reality stars. Yippee! Wait until I tell my hubby, he'll be so proud!

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSpry On The Wall

    I wouldn't even touch anything this woman has owned.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNasty Nancy

    So Ms. Z wants us to believe she is a size 4?????????????? On which planet????? I love that not one bid has been placed on any of them! Warms my black heart a little tiny bit!

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

    GREAT commentary.

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDesign Darling

    "I'll shovel shit for Dior".


    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChateau de Lu

    My favorite parts of the listings are where she claims that "Fits small bust/large bust perfect."

    No friend, no. A dress that fits small boobs, does not fit large boobs.

    This is a small bit of information that you really need to know...

    January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

    I'm holding out for Kim's strapless, sparkly school girl outfit that she wore to the gas station/Sheree's birthday party, Season 1.

    January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergquaker

    Well, if they smell like cigarettes at least they're menthol.

    If she starts auctioning wigs I WILL go broke buying one for each of you. I want to be wearing and old Kim Z wig when Jesus comes back.

    January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersweetshorn

    She goes through a wig a day, right? I'd buy a year's worth of wigs to insulate my attic.

    January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranon

    P.S. Nice pictures, huh?

    January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersweetshorn


    I love the image of all the SGM readers sitting at their computers in Kim-hair.

    The wigs would sell like hotcakes! So would Albie's work-out gear and Jeff Lewis' underwear. OH YEAH.

    January 27, 2010 | Registered CommenterSGM

    My first thought was that Kim's dresses would be far to large in the boob area but on second thought they don't really cover hers so they might just work for mine.

    January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteratleastimskinny

    I'd like it pointed out that Miss Kim suggests that first dress as a possible WEDDING DRESS. It's true. It says it right there in the listing. A WEDDING DRESS. Oh my Lord.

    January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

    Apparently she doesn't have a clue as to how ridiculous she looks. Such a whore.

    January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNasty Nancy

    4 days to go and not a single bid. Imagine that.

    January 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrudie

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